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Never take life seriously. Nobody
gets out alive anyway.
I told my wife that a husband is
like a fine wine; he gets better
with age. The next day, she locked
me in the cellar.
Behind every successful man is a
surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
Son, if you really want something in
this life, you have to work for it.
Now quiet! They're about to announce
the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
Flying is simple. You just throw
yourself at the ground and miss. -
Douglas Adams
I told the doctor I broke my leg in
two places. He told me to quit going
to those places. - Henry Youngman
The greatest pleasure in life is
doing what people say you cannot do.
The only reason people get lost in
thought is because it's unfamiliar
territory.
Man invented language to satisfy his
deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin
When you are courting a nice girl an
hour seems like a second. When you
sit on a red-hot cinder a second
seems like an hour. That's
relativity. - Albert Einstein
He who laughs last didn't get it.
When there's a will, I want to be in
it.
Everyone has photographic memory:
some just don't have the film.
There are three sides of an argument
- your side, my side and the right
side.
Always remember you're unique, just
like everyone else.
If you die in an elevator, be sure
to push the Up button.
There is a fine line between fishing
and just standing on the shore like
an idiot.
The road to success is always under
construction.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very
long because they don't like
solitary confinement.
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